So you’ve found yourself in the predicament of being in a relationship with a boyfriend who never pays for anything. And you are wondering what to do?
I was once in a relationship where I paid for everything. I felt that my girlfriend was taking advantage of me, so I feel your pain.
The good news is this doesn’t necessarily mean that your boyfriend is a deadbeat who should be immediately cut loose. At the same time, you should take a never paying boyfriend situation seriously. Because this could be a major financial red flag that signals disastrous things to come.
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Should A Guy Always Pay In A Relationship
Let’s start by tackling the question of whether a man should pay for everything when dating? The short answer is no, men should not pay for everything in relationships.
At the same time, men should be willing to pay for a good share of things in a relationship. Call me old school, but I believe it is a man’s duty to assume a large degree of financial responsibility in his relationships. Especially in marriage – it’s the least we can do considering women go through pregnancy and handle a lot of child rearing duties.
This doesn’t mean men should outright support women, nor does it mean we should always expect men to pay in relationships. But at minimum, men should want to be generous in their relationships.
As for me, I always seek to pay for as much as I can in relationships. In fact, I see it as an honor and privilege to be able to share a relationship of fun and abundance with the women I date.
The caveat here is that I always appreciate women who are at least willing to contribute monetarily or in other ways.
Possible Reasons Your Boyfriend Never Pays For Anything
We’ve established that men shouldn’t be expected to pay for everything, but how should you handle a situation where your boyfriend never pays for anything?
No matter how you slice it, it is problematic when a boyfriend never pays for anything and you must first get to the heart of why before you can actually do anything about it.
Before you kick him to the curb, ask yourself if one of the following are the reasons for his lack of contribution.
It’s ultimately up to you to figure out why your boyfriend doesn’t pay for anything, but my guess is it comes down to one of the following reasons:
He Doesn’t Pay Because He Doesn't Really Like You
It may be hard to swallow, but your boyfriend may not pay for anything because he may not like you.
One of my all time dating blunders was a time I invited a girl out for Sushi and made her pay for her own meal. Worse was the fact that the meal was discounted because my friend was the server. Such a cheapskate move on my part!
Though regrettable now, at the time I did it because I really just didn’t like this girl enough to want to pay for her meal. Sure, she was a very sweet girl – but didn’t pique my interest enough to motivate me to pay. But of course, I’ve since changed my cheapskate ways.
I tell this story to stay that your boyfriend could be experiencing something similar. That is, perhaps he just doesn’t like you enough to want to pay for anything.
He's A Loser. That Is The Reason Your Boyfriend Never Pays For Anything
Stingy, cheapskate behavior is one of the many traits of losers.
Sadly, your boyfriend’s stingy tendencies may mean he is simply a loser. He is cheap and would rather hold on to his money than share with you.
There’s really no excuse for this either. If he has money, but refuses to share – your boyfriend is a cheapskate loser that you may want to move on from.
No one wants to be in a relationship with a stingy, selfish person. And such behavior could be a sign of larger problems down the road.
Your Boyfriend Never Pays For Anything Because He’s Broke
Every penny becomes important when you’re broke. I know this from personal experience because I was once there myself.
In those days, the idea of losing any money whatsoever was painful. The desperation of not being able to pay my bills each month made me much tighter with money than I am nowadays being debt free.
Your boyfriend may not pay for anything because he may simply be broke. If this is the situation, you should consider extending him a bit of grace because he is in a difficult position.
If your boyfriend wants to improve his financial situation, and actively doing so – him not paying for things may only be temporary as he works to climb out the hole he’s found himself in.
You Make More Money Than Him
I’ve recently asked several female friends their thoughts about relationships and money, and all shared stories or concerns about making more than their men.
Based on these discussions, it sounds like many men are made insecure from earning less than their women.
At the same time, some men take a higher earning girlfriend as a cue to step back.
I’ve heard stories of men quitting work once their girlfriend or wife “makes it”. They then transform into freeloaders who sit back and watch their women do all the work – which includes the girlfriend paying for everything.
If this is the case, you should be concerned. A man who downshifts his output because his girlfriend makes more than him may not be the type of man willing or capable of stepping up to the plate and asserting any level of financial leadership in his relationship.
Your Boyfriend Never Pays For Anything Because He Literally Has No Money
While similar, being broke and having no money aren’t exactly the same thing.
Having no money certainly means you are broke, but being broke doesn’t necessarily mean you have no money. That’s because there are a lot of broke people who still make decent money. They just spend it all.
At any rate, if your boyfriend lacks money – he lacks the ability to pay for things.
So, if this is the case, you’ll have to get to the bottom of his moneyless issues. Is he temporarily on hard times or chronically underemployed? The answer to this question should dictate what you do next.
He Has A Flawed Money Blueprint
Perhaps your boyfriend grew up in a house where his dad never paid for anything. Or maybe he’s adopted one of those toxic belief systems that’s convinced him men shouldn’t pay.
If so, your boyfriend’s money blueprint is flawed and could use some updating.
This may be easier said than done though. Because at the end of the day, he may be unwilling to change his ways of thinking.
Talking To Your Boyfriend About Paying For Things
Whatever the reason, a conversation needs to be had to get down to the bottom of your boyfriend never paying for anything. You not only want to understand why this is happening, you also want to see if he’s willing to change.
If he is, then great – you may have yourself a keeper. If he isn’t, also great because now you know he may not be worth your time.
The important thing is to actually discuss the issue of your boyfriend not paying for anything – with him. If it’s something that bothers you, get it on the table and try to work through it.
Too often people can keep things on the inside in their relationships. The problem with this approach is that it sows seeds of resentment and leads to more problems later.
Should You Breakup With A Boyfriend Who Is Unwilling To Pay For Things
Absolutely you should. Relationships are about sharing experiences and contributions. Therefore, a non paying boyfriend isn’t meeting his expectations.
And why would you want to be with someone who is unwilling to contribute when there are many other people out there who understand how to step up in a relationship.
If he ultimately doesn’t want to start paying, then he’s shown you how far he’s willing to go in your relationship. You want to make your best effort to improve the situation, but he must decide. You can then make your next move based on his choice.
We should never expect someone to change who they are for the sake of a relationship, but we can ask people to change how they do certain things.
Making financial contributions to a relationship is such a fundamental task. Therefore, you should totally consider breaking up with a boyfriend who is unwilling to pay for things.
Trust me when I say that you will be better off for it.
Should Women Be Expected To Pay For Things
We’ve established that men shouldn’t be expected to pay for everything, but that still begs the question of what women should contribute? Or, said differently, should women be expected to pay for things in a relationship?
From my perspective, the short answer is yes – women should pay for things in a relationship. If not, what has all the fuss about equality been about?
I’ve never asked my girlfriends to pay for things, but I’m always appreciative when they do. I’m also quite leery of women like my ex-girlfriend who seem unwilling or able to contribute.
How this looks in your relationship may vary. It could be that your boyfriend pays for all of the dining, while the girlfriend covers any costs of admissions to activities. It could mean that cohabitating couples split things down the middle.
Ladies, take it from me – men are grateful for your contributions. Just knowing that we have a woman willing to pitch in is often enough.
You Should Not Expect Your Boyfriend To Pay For Your Personal Things
To add to this, it must be said that it is important that things aren’t taken too far.
More specifically, we should never see a situation where a boyfriend is outright funding his girlfriend’s life.
Even if he’s earning a six figure income, both parties should avoid signing up for a dating situation where the man pays for everything such as his girlfriends toiletries, transportation, meals, and personal items.
This makes her dependent on him and him responsible for her well-being.
And without the commitment of marriage, this is a risky position to be in. A breakup would leave her starting from square one, and him out of a lot of money with nothing to show for it.
It’s always better for a girlfriend to have some degree of independence and freedom so as to ensure balance in the relationship.
Does Your Boyfriend Pay For Things In Your Relationship?
There you have it. My thoughts on the question of a boyfriend not paying for anything is that men should indeed be willing to pay for things. In fact, I think it’s a man’s duty.
I’d love to hear from you on how things go in your relationship. Does your boyfriend pay for things or is a cheapskate miser? I’d also love to know how much you ladies are contributing in your relationships.
I look forward to hearing from you in the comments section below.