Financial Red Flags
Everyone deserves to experience love. In addition to simply finding love, the world would be happier if everyone found the perfect person to love. Unfortunately, money is often a top reason for driving apart what may otherwise be blissful romances. This article will improve your odds of relational success by revealing 10 financial red flags to beware of in a prospective partner.
Contents
Big Hat, No Cattle
The first financial red flag to beware of is the person who embodies the “big hat, no cattle mantra”. Typically, this is a person who spends lavishly and frivolously while lacking the requisite financial means to do so. This could also be a person who spends excessively to overcompensate for hidden insecurities or deficiencies.
Ideally, we all fall in love with someone who is whole from both a financial and emotional perspective. Unfortunately, those who fit into the big hat, no cattle group are neither. That is, a person who consistently spends beyond their means is a dating risk because they are careless with money. Further, a need to impress people is a red flag indicating that a person is not whole within themselves.
In a world rife with debt, it is very easy for people to live lifestyles that are far beyond their real means. And because of this, it can be difficult to tell who’s who.
For example, many guys will go deeply into debt for a nice car because they know it will attract attention from the ladies. Meanwhile, a six figure earner such as myself will happily drive an old Corolla because I’m secure enough to drive within my means.
To determine if a person’s lifestyle is legit or if they are simply big hat, one needs to spend time carefully listening, observing, and weighing out the potential mate. An obvious sign to look out for is someone who seems a bit too eager to impress. If you recognize this, know you may be dating a big hat wearer who lacks the cattle to justify it.
Their Financial Values Don’t Align With Yours
Love is often a matter of heart versus mind. As such, we are susceptible to ignoring red flags and succumbing to powerful influences of infatuation and excitement. Given that, it is important to remember that value alignment with a potential partner is equally as important.
With this in mind, a financial red flag is when there is a mismatch between you and a dating partner. For example, my commitment to a debt free lifestyle means that it is prudent for me to screen for women who also want to be debt free. If not, this is a financial red flag that I should heed accordingly.
This is an important financial red flag to look out for because relational compatibility is vitally important for romance. Sure, passionate chemistry can really jumpstart a new relationship, but those flames usually fizzle out over time. We are then left to see the person for who they truly are. Ideally, they are someone who is a financial match.
Spotting this red flag is pretty easy and only requires that we ask questions, communicate our values, and carefully listen. Moreover, it is prudent that we watch what our date does since actions often speak louder than words.
Dishonesty Is One Of The Top Financial Red Flags
Honesty is a key component to trust, and trust is a key component to a healthy relationship. Therefore, dishonest people should be removed from the list of potential mates as soon as it is detected.
As a financial red flag, dishonesty applies in all matters of life. That is, a person who lies about their whereabouts is also likely to lie about their finances. There are also times when a dishonest person will actually be truthful. But, it will be difficult to believe them because you won’t know when they can be trusted.
Because of this, all forms of dishonesty should be taken as a financial red flag and not ignored. There are plenty of other prospects out there who wont put you in a position of doubting what they say.
Spotting dishonesty can be difficult. But in my experience, lies typically reveal themselves over time. The key is for us to exercise healthy boundaries if they do occur and not be afraid to move on.
They Get Clammy When Talking About Finances
Openness is generally a positive component to a healthy relationship. Openness in a relationship is defined as a willingness for self-disclosure and is what allows couples to share all parts of themselves with honesty, vulnerability, and humility. When present, openness fosters a greater sense of intimacy which is highly desirable.
In contrast to openness, some relationships are mired in secrecy. Secrecy is the antithesis of openness because it blocks all possibilities for trust and intimacy to flourish.
We all have different requirement levels for the amount of openness we receive in our relationships. Still, openness about finances should take priority. Forming a lasting bond with someone extends far beyond love, and crosses into practical areas such as lifestyle and finances. Therefore, we should seek out people who are willing to self-disclose.
That said, a financial red flag would be when our partner gets clammy or uncomfortable talking about money. An open person with nothing to hide will calmly and clearly communicate the state of their finances whether good or bad. On the other hand, someone with something to hide will get clammy, defensive, or simply avoid such discussions.
It could be tempting to want to extend grace to a person exhibiting this type of behavior by dismissing this red flag, but this is an unwise move. I say this because a person should be willing to self-disclose even if their finances are in a bad state. In this manner, openness is a great sign that the person is taking ownership of their situation and is likely to fix things. The same cannot be said of a person who practices non-disclosure.
Debt Could Be A Financial Red Flag
In isolation, debt is not a reason to avoid marrying someone. But it is important for us to know what type of ride one is signing up for before committing to a long term relationship. To this end, debt could be a financial red flag under the certain circumstances.
For starters, the amount and type of debt someone has matters. For example, person with $100,000 of debt in a profitable business is different than someone with $100,000 on credit cards. The first person has made capital investments that could grow the company. The second person, on the other hand, amassed a mountain of high interest debt that will bury them for years.
I once dated a girl who had six figures worth of student loan debt for multiple masters degrees. The amount of debt served as a financial red flag in itself, but she was also clammy when talking about the debt. This made things even more concerning.
You Don’t Know How They Make Money
Knowing how your partner earns their money is a basic requirement for any relationship. That said, there are times where a partner may attempt to conceal their money making endeavors for various reasons. For example, I once dated a woman for a few weeks who was always vague about her job. Whenever the topic came up, she would keep things high level or simply change the subject. It turns out that the reason for this was that she was unemployed after quitting her job six months prior.
This is just my own personal example, but I’ve heard many others. For instance, I’ve heard stories of women concealing their adult content endeavors and of men hiding illegal drug or gambling schemes.
Since relationships are built on trust, we should take people at their word about their careers. At the same time, we should see it as a financial red flag when someone isn’t fully transparent. This is important because we want to avoid falling in love with someone who is lying or into shady activities.
Refusal To Work Is A Financial Red Flag
Since Covid started, we’ve seen a mass exodus of workers from the workforce. Just how significant has this been? Well, it turns out that 50 million workers quit their jobs in 2022. Additionally, 7.2 million men have thrown in the towel on working altogether.
For those with solid work ethic and high standards, an ideal match would be a partner who shares similar traits. Therefore, it is a financial red flag when an able bodied person shows that they are unwilling to work.
I dated a girl who was like this. She was unemployed for 10 months of our year long relationship and refused to get one of the many available jobs out there because she felt that she deserved better. In fact, her refusal to work meant that she had to move back in with her parents at age 28. This stood out as an odd trade-off for her to make and definitely a red flag in my eyes.
Someone’s motivation for work is an important consideration because work is how incomes are made. Without work, there are no inflows of money and a person will be broke. Beyond this, it is a red flag that a person accept the trade offs of not working.
We’d love to give everyone a chance and hope that people will change. But, it is equally likely that a person will never change. Which means that we should not ignore financial red flags and look for more motivated partners.
They Don’t Split Bills With You
Is chivalry dead? Or are men and women equals when it comes to paying for relationship activities? Culturally speaking, the book is still being rewritten on this as we speak – so I don’t have the answer. Regardless, it is a financial red flag if someone in a relationship refuses to help split costs.
For the vast majority of women that I’ve dated, this has not been an issue. Most of them have at least shown a willingness to contribute even though I usually cover most expenses. But of course, there is always an exception. In particular, one of my recent girlfriends never contributed, offered to contribute, and seemed to take full advantage of me as her personal checkbook. Ironically, I brought this up to her as a concern and she was dumbfounded by the notion and told me that I just needed to “tell her when to pay for things”. She totally missed the point.
This is an important financial red flag to look out for because, if present, it could be a signal that your prospect is selfish, entitled, or downright financially abusive.
Greed Is A Financial Red Flag
Greed and financial success don’t mesh. This means you should keep an eye out for this financial red flag in those you are dating. Greed is undesirable because a person with this trait will simply want and take from those around them to no end. A component of greed is also entitlement where a person thinks they deserve to take more from the world than they contribute. The sinister thing about greed is that it can never be satisfied, which means that a greedy person can also never be satisfied.
I once dated a woman who was greedy and became increasingly frustrated with her because of it. Her greed would appear in the most mundane instances. For example, she would routinely race (and beat) me to the shower after the beach or guilt me into ordering a large popcorn at the movies – though she would only eat a very small quantity. At other times, she would eat and drink the majority of anything we shared. Essentially, she incessantly took from me and the relationship, but never put into it.
Spotting greed is a straightforward process. To do so, stop for a minute and think about all of the ways your partner gives and takes in the relationship. Ideally, you can think of instances of both because relationships are all about give and take. If you can only think of instances of them taking, then you may have a greedy partner on your hands.
They Follow The Crowd
The neighbor buys a new fancy car, and suddenly your partner needs a new fancy car. Her best friend upgrades to a newer house, now your family must upgrade homes. The popular social media influencer does a bit of influencing, and your love interest goes along with the new trend.
Sound familiar?
In the personal finance world, this is known as keeping up with the Joneses and it should serve as a bright financial red flag. Keeping up with the Joneses means that a person seeks to follow and blend in with those around them for fear of being left behind. And since it is impossible to keep up with everyone, those who attempt to do so often do it to the detriment of their own mental and financial wellbeing.
On the flip side, contentment is an ideal trait where a person is satisfied with their life and the things they have. A contented person doesn’t follow the crowd because they’ve learned to love where they currently are. In effect, contentment is the green flag juxtaposed to the follower red flag.
Fortunately for me, I’ve yet to encounter this one in my dating journey. That said, I believe this trait is one that will eventually reveal itself after a long enough period of dating. Again, it’s up to us to know what red flags to look out for and act accordingly. This article takes care of the former, but you must handle the latter.
What Are Your Financial Red Flags?
Like beauty, financial red flags are truly in the eye of the beholder. This post contains my top financial red flags, but it is perfectly feasible that some of these things a non issues in your dating criteria.
With that said, I’d love to hear from you on the things you look out for as potential financial red flags. And while you’re at it, enlighten us on how we can best navigate forward once we do discover those pesky red flags.
From yours with love, cheers!