Jars Of Insecurities
Jars of insecurities are representations of things we feel insecure about. I’ve had my fair share of insecurities over the years – and I’m sure others will crop up down the road. The nature of life is all about overcoming our insecurities so we can feel more free.
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my own personal growth journey. It amazes me how much progress I’ve made, especially when it comes to stamping out insecurities.
I’d like to use this post to reflect on how I’ve handled my own jar of insecurities in hopes that it inspires you to do the same.
Contents
Where Do Jars Of Insecurities Come From
Jars of insecurities simply represent things we feel insecure about. Insecurities can be present in many ways and are essentially things we are uncertain or anxious about. Similarly, they are things about ourselves that make us feel inadequate and lack confidence.
For example, a guy who has always had a hefty body may have a body image jar of insecurity. Society constantly signals that leaner frames define beauty which hurts his ego. As a result, he lacks confidence and does not pursue the women or jobs he truly wants because he thinks of himself as unworthy.
Examples Of Jars Of Insecurities
Insecurities can manifest across virtually all dimensions relevant to human existence. That said, insecurities are unique to the individual. Things that make me insecure may not appear at all on your conscience – and vice versa.
I’ve personally experienced jars of insecurities and have seen others struggle with their own. Here are a few that quickly come to mind:
- Money related jars of insecurities. Money related insecurities can come from many sources. Some can stem from having a weak money blueprint, never having enough of it, or even from making the error of competing with other people.
- Work related jars of insecurities. Pressure to perform at work can easily make us feel insecure. We can also feel insecure about job security and a host of other work related things.
- Relationship related jars of insecurities. Not feeling worthy of love. Worry about being attractive enough. And even paranoia about a partner’s commitment can create insecurities within us.
- Body or appearance related to insecurity. Perhaps you can stand to lose 25 lbs. Or maybe you don’t think you are tall enough. Whatever the reason, many people find themselves wrestling with body and image related jars of insecurities.
- Jars of insecurities stemming from past failures. Failure can deal a harmful blow to one’s psyche. As a result, some people may be dealing with feelings of inadequacy or lack confidence from failures that are far in the rearview mirror.
Again, these are just some sources of insecurity. Each of us must reflect on our lives and areas worth working on. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve had to deal with my own share of insecurities which I will talk about soon.
Jars Of Insecurities Are Both Time Based & Situational
Jars of insecurities are both time based and situational. For example, you may have excelled in your most recent job with the utmost confidence. But now with a new promotion, you’ve developed a jar of insecurity around your ability to manage and lead people.
Another example could be an American man with body image issues stemming from being too short. At 5’7”, he is the shortest of his friend group and often overlooked by women who prefer taller men.
Fortunately for him, he’s decided to move to Ecuador for work. And since the average male height in Ecuador is 5’6”, our gentleman is now one of the tallest men around and a sought after commodity for the women of Ecuador.
As you can see, our insecurities are usually in constant flux. What once caused us angst may no longer bother us with the passing of time. Or, we may simply find ourselves in new situations that change the relevance of our insecurities.
This is good news because it shows us how we can can possibly make changes for the better.
Becoming A More Secure Person Overall
Before I dive into the details of dealing with specific areas of insecurity, I’ll start by addressing some global things we all can do to become more self assured people.
Focusing on the things in this list may just be enough to outright solve any issues of insecurity. These are things I’ve focused on over the last several years with great results. Today I can truly say that I’m more secure than I’ve ever been.
Face Your Problems Head On
Before any jars of insecurities can be dealt with, we must believe that we are capable of dealing with them.
This is known as self-efficacy; which is defined as an individual’s belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce certain results.
It is easy for us to become defeated by our insecurities. Over time, they end up becoming part of our identities. At that point we are close to being stuck because we’ve all but thrown in the towel on any possibility for growth.
I’ve always had a face it head on mentality when it comes to my problems – including my insecurities. Above all else, this one mode of thinking and taking action is what has produced the greatest results.
If you take nothing else from this discussion, it should be that you should always face your problems head on.
Make Time Your Greatest Ally
On the whole, personal growth and development is a lifelong process. Far too often I see people give up on things after a short amount of time because they don’t see results quickly enough. Sadly, they are often in the very place they started several years later.
Ensuring this doesn’t happen to you requires that you make time your greatest ally in your journey to handle your jars of insecurities. Consistent effort over time always adds up more than big splashes that only last a little while.
I recently noticed this as I reflected on the past few years. Insecurities that I used to have are no longer present because I spent years committed to stamping them out. We will get to what those insecurities were for me in a moment. For now just be assured that a lot of change is possible if you lean into the idea that it may just take a bit of time.
Practice Radical Self Acceptance
The legendary battle rap scene from the movie 8 mile encapsulates this idea perfectly. Eminem’s main character, Rabbit, had to perform in front of a hostile crowd versus a formidable foe.
In short, Rabbit had very long odds of success.
His opponent was known to hurl the most severe insults of all local MCs. Rabbit knew this was prepared. His strategy? It was to open the final round with acknowledgment of all of his flaws such as living in a trailer park and being a “bum”.
This scene shows perfectly the power of self acceptance. That is, our flaws lose all power over us once we learn to truly accept them.
Build Up Your Self Esteem
Self esteem comes down to how we perceive and value ourselves. As our self esteem grows, the smaller the impact our insecurities have because we have a better idea of who we are and what makes us great.
This isn’t some self help guru speaking either. Rather, what I’m referring to is doing the deep work of figuring out who you truly are, what makes you unique, and what your boundaries are with the world. Dedication to this area produces higher self esteem and fewer jars of insecurities.
A great place to start along this endeavor is to read The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It does a great job breaking the concept of self esteem into small pieces that can be focused on individually.
Quiet The Mind
From my experience, a noisy mind can elevate the negative impact of your insecurities. It is hard to be present and effective in the moment when all you can think about is your perceived flaws.
In an effort to reign in my fleeting thoughts, I dedicated myself to consistent meditation for a period of roughly 2 years beginning in March of 2020. This was one of the best decisions I could have made because meditation taught me to stay present in the moment and catch runaway thoughts.
This enabled me to spend a lot less time fretting about what people thought and produced a lot more tranquility.
Stamp Out Anxiety
Another thing I did a few years ago was address anxiety. As mentioned above, I undertook meditation to gain control of my mind.
Additionally, I sought help from a therapist to help sort through my internal issues. I also eliminated coffee which I recognized as a sort of gasoline to the internal anxiety fire.
These changes resulted in a much better mental state and peace. I used to have many sleepless nights, but now I sleep quite well because of the work done in this area.
Common Jars Of Insecurities And How To Handle Them
Let’s talk about how you can deal with those nagging jars of insecurities so you can live a happier, more free life.
I’ll take from the section above as I believe these are areas where many people experience insecurities.
Even if you can’t exactly relate to the areas mentioned, you should be able to take away some valuable principles for dealing with insecurities. I’ll do my best to weave in real life examples from my own life and the strategies I’ve used to grow.
Money Related Jars Of Insecurities
Practically everyone must be concerned with money. The rich must fret over how to manage it well so they don’t squander it. The poor will constantly think about how to make more.
There is really no away to avoid thinking about money.
That said, we don’t have to necessarily feel insecure about it. Though many people still do. Here are some common money related jars of insecurities and how you can stamp them out.
Not Having Enough
What is enough? The great thing about this insecurity is you have nearly total control over the resolution.
For starters, enough can only be defined by each individual. My version of enough differs vastly from what other people consider enough. Similarly, your definition of enough likely differs from mine.
Aside from being able to simply redefine what enough means, we can also take action in our lives to ensure we are meeting our definitions of enough. If you are falling short of having enough then you can always take more hours of work, get a second job, or deploy some extreme saving strategies to increase your cashflow.
The issue here is less about not having enough and more about what you are willing to do to bring your life in alignment with your definition of enough.
Making Less Than Your Spouse
Several years ago I started a relationship with a wonderful woman who was both beautiful and ambitious. She was a new pharmacist earning around $125,000. The problem?
I had just changed careers and was only making $55,000.
But rather than allowing myself to feel insecure and inadequate, I tackled the situation head on by having a conversation with my new lady that went something like this:
“Hey, I just want to mention that while I do have a great job, I’m new in my field and I don’t make a lot of money. I have a good idea of how much you make and can tell you that my salary is significantly lower. I don’t feel insecure about this, but I just want to put the cards on the table to make sure you are okay with this and we don’t have any issues. I also think my income will rise quite quickly over the next few years”.
Get On The Same Page With Your Spouse About Money
My solution for one spouse earning less than the other is to work together to be on the same page about finances. It is also important to be on the same page about life in general so the focus isnt solely on money. Each person needs to understand what they bring to the table, and also value each other for those contributions.
Speaking to my girlfriend yielded a totally positive response. My earnings were less, but ironically my money management skills were better and cash flow was near similar to hers. She saw these things and appreciated them. She knew I could help us manage money well if we ended up marrying. We also made a good team in other areas such as planning, communicating, and supporting each other.
Feeling Bad About Making Less Than Other People
A wise person once said that comparison is the thief of all joy. I concur.
I experienced this jar of insecurity a few years ago after going broke. At the time, by best friend had suddenly become rich overnight and other friends seemed to be excelling financially. This all made me feel like crap.
The first step to solving this insecurity is to acknowledge what you are feeling. Feeling bad that you are falling behind other people doesn’t make you or them bad people. Envy is poison so don’t give in to those thoughts and feelings. Find a way to be happy for others, even if you feel crappy about yourself for a time.
From there, you need to focus on setting your life in order. I suggest that you spend time identifying the things you want out of your life. It’s amazing how effective achieving the things you desire are for curing your comparison insecurity.
Work Related Jars Of Insecurities
Work is another area many of us are likely to experience jars of insecurities. A reliance on work for survival and the demands to perform are enough to create a pressurized situation. Being constantly judged by others can only up the ante.
Not Knowledgeable Or Skilled Enough For The Job
Feeling insecure about being able to perform at our jobs is something all of us will likely experience at some point. The good news is it shows that you care enough to even want to do a good job.
In 2019, I changed careers into a totally new role and industry that I had no previous experience in. I was nervous and insecure about my performance for several years. And if I’m being completely honest, I still am from time to time almost 5 years later.
The solution to this insecurity is to exercise courage and just start while accepting the fact that you will have some growing to do. You will make mistakes, but they are a natural part of the learning process. Also focus on developing your skills through training and education because these will make you more confident.
There is no magic pill here aside from doing the work. Keep showing up and giving it your all. Things do get better in time. And then the process starts over once you are promoted!
Feeling That Your Job Security Is At Risk
If you’ve read my guide for determining your level of job security, you know that no job is totally safe.
Knowing this can actually be comforting because it can help shift the way you think about your job and career. It could enable you to approach it with a stronger defensive stance that makes you immune to the ebbs and flows of career cycles.
It is important to distinguish between unnecessary worry about job security and true job safety risk.
If your job is truly at stake, then it is time to take action by updating your resume and looking for a new job. You will also want to make sure your finances are in order to help support you through turbulent times.
The best solution to securing your job is to perform well and make friends in your office. Those who do a good job and are well liked usually have the least to worry about.
Fear That You're Falling Behind Compared To Your Colleagues
Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with this jar of insecurity. But I can still imagine it having a harmful impact.
Watching other people succeed around us can be difficult.
Fortunately, we hold all the cards to fixing this problem head on. We can start by excelling in our current roles and making sure our bosses know that we desire to earn more or be promoted. It is a leader’s responsibility to develop the people beneath them. So hold them accountable.
If opportunities lack where you currently work, then you can always look for greener pastures elsewhere. We’ve been having a robust job market for quite a few years now so opportunities abound. Rather than brooding about being less successful than others, simply take action to elevate yourself.
Relationship Related Jars Of Insecurities
With so much emotion involved, it is no surprise that relationships can create insecurities.
An ideal state is for us to live in harmony with other people. But we must extinguish our relationship insecurities in order to do so.
Afraid That Your Partner Will Leave You
I’ve dealt with an underlying fear of abandonment that seeps into my relationships for most of my life. As a result, I’ve often felt insecure about my partner wanting to stay with me and have feared the idea of being broken up with.
As I mentioned above, this is one of the things that I’ve sought the help of a therapist to discuss with great results. Therapy helped me identify the motivation behind my behaviors. It also helped me develop new strategies to get better outcomes.
In addition to therapy, I think a great cure for this type of insecurity is simply acceptance of the fact that life is an ever changing journey.
Very few things are truly permanent, including relationships. This type of acceptance enables me to accept the risks involved when it comes to finding love because the risks involved are a necessary component of the ultimate reward.
Not Feeling Worthy Enough To Date Certain People
Why does one woman always seem to date quality men, while a woman of equal stature seems to date douchebags? Further, why does your best mate seem to always end up with the crazy women while overlooking quality women who seem to fall at his feet?
The answer is usually comes down to self esteem.
Because self esteem represents how we value ourselves, our level of self esteem will also determine how we expect to be valued by others.
The woman who always dates quality men does so because she values herself enough to filter out the douchebags. The woman who gravitates toward douchebags likely has some unresolved image issues that makes her believe these men are worthy of her attention.
In essence, not feeling worthy of certain people comes down to inadequate levels of self esteem necessary to convince you that you are unworthy. Therefore, self esteem is the best place to start fixing this insecurity.
Body & Appearance Related Jars of Insecurities
I’d be willing to bet that practically every person on earth has some part of their body they wished were different. We are all our own harshest critics.
Given that, it is important to recognize the difference between passively noticing our imperfections versus brooding about them.
Sadly, many people fall into the latter group and experience body related insecurities that prevent them from experiencing peak happiness.
You Don’t Like Something About Your Body
I suffered a chipped tooth in the 3rd grade that would alter much of my life thereafter. It wasn’t until I was 20 years old that I would get the tooth fixed. And it was another decade before I perfected my smile and eliminated this insecurity.
My recommended approach for being dissatisfied with your body is to do something about it. Aside from a few circumstances, most bodily or image issues can be fixed with time and effort.
Braces are a straightforward cure for crooked teeth. Similarly, diet and exercise are great long term cures for being overweight or obese. Finally, plastic surgery has been proven to enhance self image issues for people, so this may be a viable approach.
Failure Related Jars Of Insecurity
Failure can leave its mark on the best of us. That said, failure doesn’t have to be the big, scary thing that we often make it out to be. With a slight change of perspective we can reframe failure and reduce its impact.
Scared From Past Failures
My college experience truly left me scarred for a number of years.
After transitioning from being a Division I football player, I had to scratch and claw my way into one of the nation’s top universities. I was happy to make it, but was not prepared for the rigorous academic path that lay ahead.
I failed a semester abroad and barely scraped by a few others. In the end, I graduated with a 2.3 GPA and thought my future was over.
Feeling like a failure led me to become a teacher although I had grander ambitions. Though I hated it, I stayed in that roles simply because I lacked confidence in my ability to succeed elsewhere.
I have few regrets in life, but this is one.
Walk Into The Storm
I saw a cool story about bison the other day. Bison are tough animals. While most animals run from harsh winter storms, Bison turn and walk into the storms because they know that doing so is the fastest way to make it out. While other animals get stuck wrestling with the storm, Bison enjoy peace and tranquility on the other side of it because they have the courage to walk through it.
The bison is a great metaphor for what it takes to overcome past failures.
Rather than run from them like I did after college, the best approach is to turn and walk right through them.
For example, given the chance to do it all over again I would not become a teacher. I would work part time until I built the courage and skill to interview well enough to get a job that would have made me happy.
This would have probably saved me years. Don’t be like me, be like the bison!
Afraid To Try Something New Because You Might Fail
It’s sad that the risk of failure holds us back from achieving greatness.
Even with this blog I’ve had people project their own insecurities on me by focusing solely on the downside of undertaking this endeavor. On rarely does someone focus on the upside. I doubt most people can even see it as they are blinded by the risk of failure.
My solution for this is to simply go for it anyway. Commit to things that are worthy of your time and energy and be satisfied with the results no matter what.
Too often we define success by money made or clicks generated. While these are important, they are external metrics that we can’t control. What we can control is our effort and diligence. Therefore, our success metrics should center around them.
You might fail. But if you never try then you already have. Because of this, my motto is to go for it!
Conclusion
Dealing with insecurities is shared experience of us all. The perfect thing about life is that it isn’t perfect. It is facing our challenges and overcoming them that really keeps us going.
With time and effort, we can make a lot of progress. Therefore, I’d like to see you all go out and vanguish those insecurities that have held you back
I don’t know what my next challenge will be, but I’m sure it is right around the corner. I welcome it with open are because it gives me a chance to grow even stronger.
The same applies to you!