We’ve all experienced jealousy. Anyone who says otherwise isn’t keeping it real.
Like happiness, anger, or sadness, jealousy is a natural emotion. It shows up when we see someone with something we want, stirring up feelings of jealousy we’d rather do without.
I’m only human, so I still experience jealousy now and then. But over time, I’ve learned how to stop being jealous and redirect those emotions more constructively. In this post, I’ll share the process I’ve honed. Let’s dive in!
Confessions of a Once Jealous Person
One of the most challenging periods of my life came when I went broke—and with it, jealousy hit me like a ton of bricks. Seeing others thrive when my life was falling apart made it hard to feel happy for anyone else.
I’d lose sleep, ruminating on the successes of others. I couldn’t stomach seeing anyone happy while I struggled.
As bad as it was, that experience taught me how to stop being jealous. I hated how jealousy made me feel and knew I had to change. Fast forward six years, and I’ve transformed how I process jealousy. I rarely feel it anymore, and when I do, I channel it into something productive.
Stop Jealousy By Understanding What Jealousy Is
To stop being jealous, it helps to understand what it truly is. Here are the key points:
- Jealousy is a natural response: Jealousy is part of being human. It’s how you respond to it that determines its impact.
- It stems from fear and insecurity: Jealousy often reflects internal fears, like inadequacy or loss, rather than external reality.
- Comparison fuels it: Jealousy thrives on comparing yourself to others, often magnifying perceived shortcomings.
- It signals deeper needs: Sometimes, jealousy reveals unmet emotional needs or unresolved insecurities.
- It’s tied to brain chemistry: Jealousy activates brain regions associated with social pain and reward. Dopamine and cortisol spikes can exacerbate these feelings.
Think through each point. For example, understanding that jealousy is natural helped me stop feeling guilty about it. Recognizing its roots in insecurity led me to address those deeper fears. How can this wisdom help you eliminate jealousy?
Mindfulness Stops Jealousy
Jealousy can sneak up on you, consuming your thoughts and triggering negative feelings. When this happens, the first step is to acknowledge it: “I’m feeling jealous right now.”
Mindfulness meditation is an excellent way to develop this awareness. By regularly meditating, you train yourself to observe your emotions without judgment, giving you the clarity to redirect them constructively.
I’ve been practicing mindfulness based meditation for over 4 years and highly recommend it as a way to take more control over your thoughts. Mindfulness teaches you to bring better awareness of your thoughts and feelings, which gives you a better chance at changing them.
Journal to Understand Yourself
Jealousy often stems from uncertainty about who you are. When you’re unsure of your identity, it’s easy to compare yourself to others and feel like you fall short.
Journaling has been transformative for me. Over five years, it’s helped me understand myself deeply, boosting my confidence and reducing jealousy.
I’m now able to better understand what my values are and motivations. These are distinctly different from everyone else. With this knowledge in mind, there’s hardly ever a reason to feel jealousy toward anyone else because they are playing their game or life and I am playing mine.
Fix Your Life and Finances
Jealousy often stems from dissatisfaction with your own life. If something feels off—whether it’s your career, relationships, or finances—those insecurities can manifest as jealousy toward others.
For example, I once felt hurt when a friend barely congratulated me on landing a new job. But I later realized he was struggling after being laid off from his job a few months earlier. Once he secured his next role, his attitude shifted, and he became more supportive.
The takeaway? Focus on fixing what’s wrong in your life. If it’s money that is your issues, focus on making rapid financial progress. If there are insecurities holding you back, then you should work on tackling those.
As you build the life you want, you’ll naturally feel less jealous of others.
Addressing Your Insecurities Stops Jealousy
There will always be people who are richer, more attractive, or more talented. If you let those comparisons dictate your self-worth, jealousy will never leave your side.
Instead, use jealousy as a guide to identify areas for self-improvement. Work on your personality, skills, and insecurities. The more confident you become, the less power jealousy has over you.
Find a Purpose In Life
When you’re consumed by purpose, there’s little room for jealousy. Starting this blog, for example, gave me something meaningful to focus on. Rather than scrolling social media and risking envy, I pour my energy into writing and improving the site.
Purpose anchors you, keeping your attention on what truly matters: your goals, not other people’s lives. It enables you to stop being jealous.
To find a source of purpose, I suggest starting with what you like or what you are good at. It’s easier to commit to things when the come naturally to us. Also, you could consider working on an issue which is important to you.
Living The Life You Want Does Not Include Jealousy
Imagine living your dream life—financial security, a fulfilling career, a loving partner. Would you still feel jealous of others? Probably not.
Though building your ideal life takes time, simply being on the right track can help. Progress brings optimism, dampening jealousy as you move closer to your goals and all but stopping jealousy once you reach them.
Often times people who are naturally lazy or less confident in their abilities to change will feel jealous of others who are more inclined to work hard and take risks to create the lives they want. This is a dangerous situation to be in because it eventually breeds resentment towards the other person, and I believe this resentment eventually turns on it’s owner by thrusting them into a deep pit of despair.
Avoid this at all cost. No matter how lazy you feel or how doubtful you are – still take the steps to make the life you want because life is too short to not pursue what we want, and too long to live in despair.
Social Media Breed Jealousy So Stop Using It
Social media is a breeding ground for jealousy. I quit over a year ago for two reasons:
- Constantly comparing myself to “perfect” lives was exhausting.
- I realized I was sometimes posting for validation rather than genuine connection.
Since leaving, I’ve felt liberated. Without timelines to scroll, there’s no temptation to compare my life to others. I’ve also reclaimed 2.5 productive hours each day – which is the average time spent on social media worldwide.
Here’s a chart showing what that amount of time spent on social media amounts to over a lifetime. What can you do with this amount of time back in your own life?
Practice Self-Acceptance
Learning to accept yourself—flaws and all—is one of the most powerful ways to stop being jealous. When you’re comfortable with who you are, the success or happiness of others feels less like a threat.
This doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity. Work toward your goals, but also recognize your worth in the here and now.
We always tend to admire the people who have radically accepted themselves because they have more peace within themselves than the rest of us. To be able to own the good and the bad about themselves makes them more free than most. This is the level of self-acceptance you should be striving for. Here’s one way to get there:
Don't Fight Jealousy, Learn From It
Jealousy isn’t inherently bad—it can teach you what matters most. For example, if you feel envious of someone’s new car, ask yourself why. Is it because you’ve always wanted that specific model? If so, use this insight as motivation to set and pursue goals aligned with getting that car.
Rather than reacting negatively toward the other person, focus on what specifically is making you feel the way you do. In doing so, you can maintain healthier relationships and your friends will respect you more for not being a jealous person.
Bonus: A Mental Trick
Whenever I am feeling jealous, I use mindfulness to bring awareness to it as quickly as possible. I then immediately reverse all negative thoughts with positive and congratulatory thoughts about the person who I’ve become jealous of. I shape the narrative in my head that they are fortunate for whatever it is they have and I celebrate them – even if they are a stranger clueless to what is happening.
I’ve noticed that when I do this, the jealousy stops. Negative feelings and thoughts instantly subside. Even when they don’t disappear fully, they are always minimized enough for my higher brain to take back control rather than spiraling.
This process is beneficial for both myself and the person who I’ve become jealous of. For me, it frees me from having those undesirable negative thoughts. For the other person, it’s one less hater, a new admirer, and a potential friend in the crowd.
Win win situation, right?
Let's Talk About Jealousy!
Jealousy doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding its roots, practicing mindfulness, and focusing on self-improvement, you can learn how to stop being jealous and channel those feelings into something constructive.
What strategies have you found helpful in dealing with jealousy? Share your thoughts in the comments below!