If you want to stop being a loser, you have to stop doing all of the things losers do. That can be easier said than done because you may not actually know what’s causing you to be a loser. Or worse, you may be unwilling to fully acknowledge those things exist.
The journey of going from being a loser can be a difficult one, but you’ve stumbled upon this article because you are ready to change. Good for you! I hope this helps.
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Advice From A Lifelong Winner
Most articles describing how to not be a loser come from people who used to be losers, but successfully made the transition to being a winner. These are articles are useful, but I also think there is value in gaining lessons from those who have been lifelong winners.
That’s where I come in since I can humbly say that I’ve never been a loser and have won at most things I put my mind to.
That doesn’t mean life hasn’t given me every opportunity throw in the towel and settle on being a loser – because it has. I’ve just been able to navigate life’s hurdles well enough to continue building toward a life that I’m truly proud of today.
I don’t say this to inflate my own ego either. Instead, I’d like to drive home the point that the advice in this article comes from someone with a lot of experience on how to actually be a winner.
30 Ways To Not Be A Loser
I’ll try my best to tackle every possible way to be a loser with this post.
As you read, keep in mind that exhibiting just one of these traits doesn’t necessarily make you a loser – especially if the impact to your life is minimal.
At the same time, any single one of these things can certainly make you a loser if it causes you problems in life. And of course, having multiple of these traits can definitely be a sign that you are a loser.
I recommend that you be brutally honest with yourself to get the most out of this. Because as you’ll learn shortly, being self deceptive is a trait of losers we certainly want to avoid.
Don't Tell Lies To Yourself
The truth hurts. And because of this, losers avoid the pain of reality by distorting or ignoring it to their detriment.
Sadly, our culture has enabled this harmful tendency as we’ve embraced the terms “my truth” or “your truth” which gives credence to the idea that there is somehow a subjective version of reality.
Winners know that there is only one reality and don’t mentally distort it with self-deception.
As a result, they seem to constantly progress and live truly fulfilled lives. Facing reality enables them to fix their problems and overcome life’s obstacles. Meanwhile, losers who refuse to face reality find themselves stuck, unhappy, and bitter.
Be Honest With Other People
In addition to lying to themselves, losers often lie to other people.
Losers tell lies for many reasons. It could be that they are seeking approval from others, or are doing things that they want to hide. They could also be attempting to manipulate people to gain influence or power.
Practicing honesty is better because when you refuse to tell lies, you avoid doing things that will put you in a position to ever need to lie. For example, a cheating man does so with the implicit understanding that he is being dishonest. And if caught, he will likely tell more lies to bail himself out.
A winner on the other hand doesn’t cheat in part because it’s dishonest. And he doesn’t want to tell lies to his spouse or hide his actions. Honest people win in life. Therefore, you must do what winners do and stop telling lies if you want to stop being a loser.
Take Total Responsibility For Your Life
No matter what, we should always take full responsibility for our lives. Even when life gets hard or when bad things happen – we must take responsibility.
This doesn’t mean we have to assume fault or blame. Especially for things out of our control. But still, we must take responsibility for whatever life throws our way because this is the only way to win in life. Simply put, we must play the card we are dealt.
Losers often fail to think this way. Instead, they resort to blame games, victimhood, and waiting on others to change their circumstances for them. Unfortunately, the end result of this way of living is stagnancy, bitterness, and degeneracy.
Don’t Wait For Other People
A hallmark trait of a winner is self-efficacy – which is belief in ourselves to take actions that will produce a certain result.
While there is nothing wrong with seeking help, it is very problematic to sit idle and wait on another person or entity to do things for us that we could be doing ourselves. When we do this, we not so subtly communicate back to ourselves that we are powerless to control our own lives.
The end result here is a crippling of one’s capacity to think, act, and succeed.
On the flipside, winners take pride in taking matters into their own hands. They know that each challenge they overcome is another notch in the belt that makes them strong. Each success reinforces their belief in themselves and these wins compound over time.
Quit Being A Follower
Winners seek out wisdom and guidance from worthy sources. They know what they want and carefully select the right voices to help them get there. In a sense, winners follow other winners and do so for the right reasons.
Meanwhile, losers blindly follow.
That is, losers follow people and trends for the wrong reasons. It usually stems from a lack of self-esteem or a lack of direction. It can also stem from wanting the wrong things for all the wrong reasons.
This is why people get duped into joining cults or signing up for courses offered by con men. It’s how impressionable youths end up in gangs. And why we see so many people jumping on the latest social media fueled trends.
If you want to stop being a loser, you must stop being a follower. Work on developing self esteem and figure out a direction for your own life. Learn to stand on your own two feet and you will transform from a loser to a winner in no time.
Free Yourself From Envy
Envy is like poison. It traps us in a state of negative emotions and makes it hard to see a way out. While other people happily live their lives, losers get stuck comparing themselves and feeling bad about the results.
Winners know that being envious is a waste of time. It’s something that will hold them back. And because of this, they guard against it by focusing on their own lives.
Conversely, losers give in to envy. They do this by engaging in competition, growing resentful, or outright undermining the success of others.
None of these things are beneficial and only serve as barriers to one’s progress. Therefore, evolving from being a loser means that you must rid yourself of envy so you can reach your full potential.
Quit Making Excuses
I met a gentleman of about 60 recently who’s story went something like this..
He’d had multiple divorces – all of which were the faults of his ex wives. He also never used his computer science degree because all of the jobs involved sitting in cubicles taking orders, so he became a bus driver instead. At the same time, he hated the government for not providing him a living wage. And it was COVID’s fault that his once successful small business failed.
It was obvious that this gentleman was bitter and resentful for the life he had lived. Yet, none of what had happened to him was his fault. In other words, he was a loser.
The moral of this story is that you must stop making excuses if your goal is to stop being a loser. As long as excuses exist, you will be held back from achieving anything remotely close to your full potential.
Learn To Wield Power With Grace
Ever wonder why some people abuse children or animals? Or why certain bosses seem to torment those they lead? The short answer is they are losers.
Power is intoxicating. And losers indulge themselves in it by wielding it to, well, make themselves feel powerful.
The irony here is that truly powerful people are secure enough within themselves to wield power with grace, benevolence, and dignity. Losers on the other hand use their power for self gain, which usually comes at the detriment of others.
At some point in your life, you may inherit a bit of power. It may be that you have children. Or perhaps you will get yourself a dog. You may even launch a successful new company with dozens of employees. Whatever the source, be sure to wield your power as gracefully as possible or else you risk being a certified loser.
Don’t Succumb To Your Vices
I’ve wrestled with my fair share of vices over the years. Excessive video games, women, and drinking alcohol to name a few. I know the abyss they can take down and I’m glad I’ve been able to extinguish them from my life.
Still, some people never overcome their vices and succumb to them. And eventually their lives can be destroyed by the negative consequences.
If you want to stop being a loser, don’t allow yourself to succumb to your vices. Learn to practice self control and try to live life by the highest standard you set for yourself.
Quit Trying To Hack Your Way To Success
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
Losers ignore this reality and attempt to circumvent doing the work necessary to create the results they want. The end result is usually failure, stagnation, and disappointment.
On the flip side, winners appreciate the process of doing things the proper way. They value hard work and order. They also truly want to earn the things they have, rather than hacking their way to results.
In other words, being a loser is all about focusing on the end result while being a winner is about focusing on the process to get you there. To stop being a loser, change your perspective from wanting things the easy and fast way. Instead, lean into the grind and dedicate yourself to building lasting success.
Stop Competing With Other People
There is nothing wrong with a bit of competition in our lives, but being a loser takes it too far. Losers can spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on the lives of other people, and trying to outdo those people.
The problem with this is that the person is now externally focused and extrinsically motivated. They are also not truly living life according to their own desires because they are too busy engaging in the parameters of the competition they’ve created.
For example, an old friend tried to compete with me for who can earn the most money and be the most successful. While he was watching my every move, I was steadily focused on living my life, pursuing my goals, and doing the things that truly make me happy.
My measures for success were based on the intrinsic goals I set for myself, while his were based on his position in life relative to me. Even if he “wins” that competition, he is still a loser because his entire basis for action was based on someone else.
Face Your Problems Head On
What do you do when you have a difficult problem? Winners fight to set things right, whereas losers turn and flee.
Running from life’s problems makes you a loser because life is full of problems. And when you turn and run from one problem, you almost always create another one. For example, I’ve met many expats who have fled their home countries because they simply couldn’t make it.
The problem? They arrive in the new country and are still the same person they’ve always been. They have the same work ethic, vices, and habits of old – just in a new place. As a result, they’ve enabled themselves to remain forever stuck.
Don't Play The Victim
Think about this idea for a moment: life can either happen to you or it can happen because of you.
For losers, life often happens to them as they sit idly by being victimized by circumstance.
This is not to say that bad things don’t happen to people. They do all the time.
The difference between losers and winners is how things are perceived. Losers view circumstance as unfair and unfavorable. They brood over the bad things that happen to them, lose all motivation, and ultimately become defeated.
Conversely, winners take on the circumstances of life as they happen. Bad things may crop up, and they simply deal with them while moving forward. To not be a loser, you must adopt this approach and avoid becoming the victim of circumstance.
Actually Do Something With Your Life
My favorite elementary school teacher would frequently utter the following quote to our class:
Know nothing, do nothing, be nothing
The quote speaks for itself. She was trying to teach us how to not be losers in life. She wanted to drive home the idea that we needed to learn and accomplish things if we wanted to be winners.
If you want to stop being a loser you must embrace the idea that you should strive to accomplish something in your life. This doesn’t mean you have to become a top earning man or earn a six figure income, but it does mean you should pursue and accomplish your goals.
Be More Than Just A Talker
I know this guy. He works as a bouncer and has done so for over a decade. There’s nothing wrong with being a bouncer, but this guy has been talking about finding a new line of work for just about as long as he’s been in his current line of work.
Year in and year out he will tell you of his grand plans to start a life in a new city with a new job. A year later? He is working at the same bar telling the same about how this will be the year he changes.
He’s all talk.
Unlike this guy, winners prioritize substance over talk. In fact, those who truly win talk very little about all of the things they want to do. Instead, they just go out and get things done while letting the results speak for themselves.
Stop Seeking Approval From Others
Approval seeking makes you a loser because it positions you beneath the opinions of others. Rather than striving to be proud of oneself, losers go out of their way to gain the good graces of those around them.
In addition to being externally focused, approval seeking forces us to shift into whatever thing necessary to gain that approval. And this often takes us very far away from who we truly are.
Self acceptance is a main tenet of self-esteem. Those with high self-esteem accept themselves which removes all need for external approval. The result is a stronger, more self-actualized person who shows up authentically and free. Meanwhile the loser is imprisoned by the thoughts and concerns of others.
Don't Be A People Pleaser
People pleasers have a number of good qualities such as being selflessness and having an abundant desire to help other people.
The problem with people pleasing is that it is often rooted in insecurities and motivate a person to abandon much of themselves as they strive to meet the needs of others. The end result of all the self-sacrifice is a person who never grows into their own potential – leaving them bitter and disappointed.
This can make you a loser because you are essentially at the whim of this desire to please. Instead of living life as you want, you live it based on the desires of others. And ultimately, you may never achieve your own goals.
Stop Caring About What Other People Think
Excessive care for what other people think is a surefire sign that you could be a loser. Therefore, you must remove your concerns over the thoughts of others in order to stop being a loser and be free in life.
Caring too much about what other people think is a major source of anxiety for many people. They fret about saying all of the right things, dressing to fit in, or having the latest and coolest gadgets because they think these will make them look cool.
The end result is a person who is stuck in place worrying about what other people are thinking about them. And the situation only compounds itself over time.
Losers Refuse To Grow
Continuous progressive growth is a necessary component of a truly fulfilling life. No matter where we are today, we can always make small improvements to get better. When it comes to getting better in life, time is truly your friend.
Being a loser means there is very little growth. These are people who get stuck in modes of thinking and behaving, even when they don’t serve them well. Eventually, this refusal to grow results in the person who lacks maturity, wisdom, and depth. They become stale and cynical and the world leaves them behind.
If you wonder how to stop being a loser, I suggest you focus on adopting a growth mindset which will enable you to constantly evolve.
Learn To Master Your Money
I knew a guy whose life was filled with debauchery. His daily routine consisted of the gym, day trading, and encounters with hookers. And because of his lifestyle, he was constantly broke and barely scraping by.
Rather than embracing my success stacking principle, he attempted to make his money day trading – which essentially amounts to gambling. And of course he constantly lost money in the process. At the same time, he had high expenses thanks to his extracurricular activities.
This is just an example, but there are many ways to be frivolous with money. It could be that you refuse to do what it takes to earn it. Or that you are living outside your means. Similarly, you could be using your money to fund bad habits like the guy mentioned above.
At any rate, you will want to gain mastery over your money if you want to not be a loser. There is nothing fun, cool, or attractive about being a frivolous loser with money.
Be Generous, Not A Tightwad
Let me tell you a story of two rich guys that I know. Both are millionaires, but one has a tremendous number of beloved friends and close relatives while the other is quite isolated. The difference between these guys? The first is extremely generous while the other is selfish.
The first guy is eager to share his abundant wealth with others. He frequently hosts dinner parties at his home or in restaurants. And he throws the occasional party. Each summer he arranges a weeklong trip for his family and is happy to foot the bill. Meanwhile, you will be hard pressed to convince the other guy to spend $60 at a restaurant in spite of him being a multimillionaire.
Penny-pincher, tightwad, or cheapskate are terms you will never hear uttered about winners. That’s because winners see themselves as fortunate and look to spread as many blessings around as possible. This isn’t to say that you should be frivolous with your money, but to not be a loser will require that you not be a miser either.
Have Some Integrity
Are you the type of person who follows through on your word? Are you trustworthy? Do you have strong principles? And do you do the right things even when no one is looking?
Being a loser means that you likely can’t answer yes to all of these questions.
Take for instance a relative of mine who is a thief. Though he has been to jail numerous times for stealing, he continues to do so to the detriment of his family’s well being. In short, he has a fundamental lack of integrity and is a loser because of it.
Not being a loser requires that you learn to act with the utmost integrity. In addition to being honest, integrity encompasses having a strong moral compass that guides our actions. So with that, be sure to focus on building a solid base on integrity to ensure you transform your loser ways.
Avoid Handouts Like The Plague
As we’ve mentioned, waiting for other people is a loser tendency that must be eliminated. Seeking handouts works along the same lines because it often places the recipient of said handout in a powerless position.
We saw clear examples of this during COVID lockdowns. As the government ramped up stimulus payments, many people lost the will to work which precipitated the great resignation and a mass exodus of workers in food services and hospitality.
Not being a loser means you are the type of person who seeks to provide for yourself and those under your care. You recognize that you are your greatest asset. Plus, you appreciate the idea of paving your own way. And if blessing come, you take them in stride while continuing to blaze forward.
Lean Into Doing Difficult Things
Simply put, wanting things to be easy in life is for losers. Additionally, losers almost always select doing what is easy even when it yields suboptimal results.
For example, most people know that exercise and eating well are beneficial for their health. At the same time, most are aware of the habits that cause them to have poor health.
So why is it that so few actually do the right things? Because they are hard.
Given that, you will want to lean into adversity if you want to grow out of being a loser. Rather than running from difficulty, actually seek it out because hard things often yield the best results and certainly make you strong in the long run.
Don't Settle For Less Than You Deserve
To settle is to throw in the towel on whatever it is you deserve. Instead of doing the hard work necessary, a loser will take what life gives them. They settle for the wrong partners or stay stuck in bad jobs. Many will not pursue their true dreams out of fear of failure. Or perhaps they give in to their vices while others overcome them.
Stop settling for less than you deserve if you want to stop being a loser. Identify what you want out of life and boldly pursue these things. In doing so, you find that life abundantly rewards you for your efforts.
Remember that the winner will always make the choice of doing the work necessary to get what he deserves.
Always Have A Plan
What is it you want out of life and how will you get there? Losers can usually talk at great lengths about what they want, but rarely back those desires up with any semblance of a plan.
Without a plan, it is difficult to achieve a goal. This is why so many losers seem to stay stagnant over the years. They simply lack any actionable direction that will take them where they want to go.
If you want to stop being a loser, start developing plans to reach your goals. These plans do not to be complex either. You just need to have a series of steps that sequentially build upon themselves as you trek forward to the life you want to live.
Drop The Front. Be Authentic
We’ve all seen the lady who projects a certain image on social media that doesn’t align with who she is in real life. Or the guy who is one person around one group of friends while being completely different around another. The thing they share in common is they aren’t showing up in the world as their true selves.
To truly be yourself is to be free. Losers miss out on this fact as they prioritize putting on an external front that hides who they really are. This can make you a loser because, at minimum, it shows that you haven’t fully accepted yourself.
It is also likely that the people around you can sense this – and they probably lack some respect for you.
To fix being a loser, learn to practice self-acceptance and always be authentic. It may seem that doing so you will not fit into certain circles, but ironically, the circles you do begin to fit in with will be much better fits than those predicated on your facade.
Bitterness Is For Losers
Ever have a conversation with a bitter person? I have and can tell you it is not very enjoyable.
Somehow the conversation always seems to diverge into talking about the source of their bitterness and frustration. Such a vibe killer!
Life is difficult. It is often unfair. And bad things happen.
Winners know this and still take things in stride. They may become angry, but they don’t become consumed by it. They work to free themselves from the weight of resentment. Meanwhile, losers are often engulfed by the bad things that happen to them. In time, their spirits become so calloused that it shows in nearly everything they do.
Clear examples of this are those who’ve experienced heartbreak. Some people eventually heal and move forward, but some many others get stuck in a lifetime of bitterness. The first group are the winners, so strive to be like them.
Maximize Your Precious Time
Show me where you spend your time and I’ll show you where your priorities are. Oftentimes, losers sink significant time into things that don’t help them produce the life they want to live.
Social gatherings, parties, and sporting events are things I’ve seen many people waste a lot of time on. I also know people who waste much of their precious time playing video games, listening to podcasts, and deep diving Youtube videos.
Neither of these activities are harmful in isolation. But, you must ask yourself if your extracurricular activities are holding you back. Because as I said at the beginning, something is causing losers to lose in life. Therefore, I suggest you direct your time to the most important things if you are someone who is striving to be a winner.
Learn To Set Boundaries
I lost a friend recently. In short, this friend called me somewhat late on a Monday night and told me that he was in an Uber on the way to my house to simply hangout. I politely rejected and told him that I wasn’t available to hangout that night.
The result? I haven’t heard from him since.
Unfortunately, that is the sort of thing that can happen when you set boundaries with people. They may not like it and decide to end their relationship with you because of it.
Still, winners accept the risks associated with setting boundaries because they know doing so is the only way for them to truly be happy. Meanwhile, losers fail to set boundaries are are frequently steamrolled by those around them.
Remember that your biggest advocate is yourself. And to not be a loser, you will have to advocate for yourself by setting firm boundaries and confidently enforcing them as if your life depended on it. Because in a way, it does!
Ready, Set, Win!
There you have it. 30 ways you could be a loser and how you can grow into being a winner.
Be honest with yourself about where your shortcomings are. Then set out to fix those things so you can become the person you truly want to be. Remember that when it comes to personal growth, there is nothing holding you back but yourself. Therefore, adopt a can do attitude and do the work necessary.
If you start today, your future self will thank you. You will look back and see just how far you’ve come. You’ll be able to definitely say that you’ve rid yourself of your loser ways and have arrived in the winners circle.
I hope to see you there one day!