Turning 36 is one of life’s biggest milestones as it marks the first unmistakable step that we’ve entered middle age and the carefree days of our youths have passed.
With my 36th birthday just two weeks behind me, I’d like to share some reflections on money, aging, and relationships at this pivotal moment.
Turning 36 Is Teaching Me Time Is Way More Valuable Than Money
Turning 36 is confirming to me that time will always be more valuable than money in life. Some people even say that time is our most precious resource – to which I concur!
Time is the only thing all of us have equal amounts of. Yet, how we decide to use our time is up to us. As for me, I’ve decided to use my time to get the absolute most from life.
Rather than relentlessly chasing money, turning 36 has helped me realize that time truly waits for no one. While making money and building wealth remain important, I now understand the need to do it the right way. My goal at 36 is to earn a living doing what I enjoy, without sacrificing my health or relationships.
As A Kid, I Felt Like I Had All The Time In The World To Enjoy Life. But Now, At 36, I’ve Come To Realize How Untrue That Is
The clearest sign that life is short comes from taking stock of what’s happening to the older people around me. Turning 36 seems to be the stage of life where we begin to notice our parents aging and, in some cases, developing early health complications that could stay with them for the rest of their lives.
A close friend’s dad, for instance, is currently battling a rare form of cancer. And just recently, my sister shared that our mom has started forgetting things. It hit me hard. Life can be cruel, and these realities bring immense sadness—but they also remind me how important it is to maximize our time with those we love while we still can.
I’ve been putting off booking my mom’s first international trip for years. She’s been talking about it forever, and even got her passport in preparation. Now, with pleanty of cash at hand, I realize it’s time to stop delaying and make this dream vacation happen. It’s a memory we both deserve to create.
I also lost my dog earlier this year. We had been together for 12 years, and he was my best friend. His passing was yet another reminder of how precious and limited time is. Losing him made me more committed to being present and connected with the people who matter most in my life.
Working Too Much To Actually Enjoy Life
I’ll always crusade in support of remote work, but I can also admit that one of its major downsides is that it isn’t the best for promoting taking time off.
Since starting working from home in early 2020, I estimate that I’ve taken fewer than 2 months of total vacation in that span.
If memory serves, the only real vacations I’ve had were separate week-long trips to Costa Rica and Mexico in 2023 and 2024 respectively. The rest has been working vacations as I figured I’d avoid burning vacation time by bringing along the work phone and laptop to stay plugged in.
Sure, I’ve made a solid amount of money in the process. But the tradeoff has been a very real case of burnout.
Just last week I worked the entire week and through the weekend. I put in a 10 hour Friday, an 8 hour Saturday, and a 13 hour Sunday before returning to work normal hours the following Monday. That’s 12 consecutive days of working without a break, which pales in comparison to the multiple 21-plus day stretches I had last year and earlier this year.
The end results of these hectic work cycles has been a deviation from my fitness and eating routine, bouts of insomnia, and arthritis flare up from not getting enough rest.
Turning 36 Gives Me The Confidence To Enjoy The Fruits Of My Labor
The body has a way of signaling when it’s out of whack. But it’s up to me to listen. That’s why I’ve decided to take a year long sabbatical to even things out. My sabbatical started on September 20th, 2024 and will last at until at least next September – or beyond.
I have a lot of mostly positive emotions about this new chapter. But I’ll admit that I’m a bit fearful and nervous at the same time. My doubts relate to whether I will fall behind in the race to accumulate more wealth and whether I will be able to find gainful employment when I return.
I think similar fears hold many people back from ever taking significant time off or changing their careers. It’s easier to simply stay on the same hamster wheel even if it means sacrificing time that could be spent on more fulfilling things and our wellbeing.
Again, turning 36 is showing me that time truly is the most valuable thing we have. Once it is gone, we will never get it back. I fear the possible consequences of taking my sabbatical. But more than that, I’m confident that I’m ready to take a bit of risk to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
36 Is The Perfect Age To Find Work We Love
By the time we turn 36, most of us are “locked” into our chosen careers. This can be good or bad depending on how much you like your job. As for me, I’ve never been truly satisfied with what I’ve done for work – so being stuck in my career path is not so good.
I was absolutely miserable in the first 7 years of my career as a teacher. I then pivoted to project management which I like much more, but it’s still not a good fit given I’m an introvert who prefers working independently.
That said, I think turning 36 is the perfect time to evaluate whether we are doing work that aligns with our personalities, natural abilities, and interests. And if we find they don’t, it’s time to make a change.
To that end, I’ll be working during my sabbatical to position myself to move into a career that is a better fit. This will be my second major career change. And while I’m not sure of exactly what I’ll be doing, I am certain I want to make a change.
Turning 36 Will Show You Aging Is Real, So Take Care Of The Body
Turning 36 is really reminding me of mortality through my body, which seems to be aging more rapidly than before. Lingering injuries, muscle imbalances, and bad habits such as poor posture all seem to have a more pronounced impact on my day to day functioning.
As a former Division I football player, my body has been through a lot. I mentioned above dealing with arthritis. I’ve also been managing a bum shoulder and other knickknack problems with my ankles, back, wrist, and neck.
As odd as it may sound, I’m actually thankful for these issues because they give me purpose. Specifically, I’ve been tailoring my fitness regiment around these issues and enjoy the results.
One way I do this is by paying for a customized training program that integrates traditional body building with therapeutic elements targeted at my problem areas. It costs $160 per month, but it’s some of the best money I’ve ever spent considering I’ve been able to train consistently for about 3 years injury-free.
My training plan is augmented by 2 gym memberships to ensure I have all of the equipment and resources I need. One has a sauna and the other has the appropriate cardio equipment. Together, they cost around $80 each month.
In addition to the customized training and gym memberships, I just purchased two different fitness trackers for $600. I intend to use these to help me organize and remain accountable to goals like getting quality sleep and walking more.
And finally, all of this is bolstered by a regiment of around 20 supplements aimed at supporting fitness performance, maintaining joint health, and supporting my general wellbeing.
This may sound a bit like overkill, but the results speak for themselves. Just this week some new friends were shocked to learn that I’m much older than them in spite of seeming younger. I’m also moving quite well and have reached peak levels of strength in recent years thanks to the regiment.
Turning 36 is certainly presenting my body with more challenges, but I’m boldly facing Father Time and telling him to bring it on.
Turning 36 Is Reminding Me Of The Importance Of Friendship
They say it’s a natural part of aging, but the loss of friends is one of the more unpleasant things about getting older.
I’ve found that it’s much harder at 36 to make new friends than it was in years past. I’m longer in friendship-enabling environments such as university campuses and sports clubs. I’m also more careful about who I opt to become friends with in the first place. Similarly, many 36 year olds are raising young families which makes it hard to dedicate time to friends.
The net result of life changes at 36 has been the gradual loss of friends that I’ve struggled to replace. My friend group that was once about 10 guys strong has dwindled to just a few pals that I text with and see on occasion.
The biggest lessons I’ve learned through all of this is that friendships are important. Life is more interesting and textured when we have friends around to share it with. Friends provide us with support. They help us fulfill our need for connectivity.
Yet, these relationships don’t just maintain themselves.
In fact, turning 36 is reminding me of how important it is to put effort into my friendships to ensure they thrive. I’ve been more intentional about reaching out to friends to just check-in. I’ve also been working on being a good listener to ensure I’m adding value and not just being a taker from the relationships.
I may have fewer friends than I did in the past. But I have good friendships that I value and work to maintain with much more intentionality than ever before.
We Can Still Learn About Relationships, Even At 36
For those of us who are single, turning 36 could put us in a strong position to ultimately find ourselves in very fulfilling romantic relationships.
I’ve had a few committed relationships along with other dating connections that have given me a good idea of what I’m looking for in a partner and the approach I need to take in future relationships to get the best results.
For example, dating experiences over the years have taught me I’m not compatible with women who expect men to pay for everything. Wisdom also tells me that I need to ensure I’m communicating effectively so my partners know what my needs are.
I can rely solely on my experiences as I navigate relationships going forward. But I believe I can also learn about relationships from the wisdom of others. As such, I plan to do more to educate myself on relationships. I plan to study things about partner selection, conflict resolution, communication, child rearing, and of course – money management.
Rather than just figuring things out on my own as I go. I can study lessons, tips, and advice from relationship experts, counselors, religious doctrines, and elders who have already walked down the paths of life I am moving along.
Savoring Time With My Family
Living abroad for the past year has been bitter sweet. On one hand, I am happy to be out of what feels like an increasingly toxic America. On the other, I miss my family dearly.
I’ve always been in the lives of my nieces and nephews, so it saddens me that I can’t spend time with my youngest nephew who is only 1.5 years old. His mother / my sister is also my best friend so it’s a double whammy. I also miss the monthly tradition of hanging out with my mom for our mother – son date.
FaceTime and photos are great, but this experience is reinforcing what I’ve always known about the true value of being with family. Specifically, few relationships are as simple, pure, and fulfilling as those with family.
I may end up back in the U.S. closer to family in the future. But in the meantime – I want to ensure I savor the moments I do have with them. For instance, I hope to get as much quality time with my family when I’m back for the holidays. I plan to be fully present with them and not pass down any moments to enjoy each other’s company.
Turning 36 & Thinking About Starting A Family
My final note on turning 36 is that I’ve been thinking about starting my own family. Not so much about whether I want one or not – because I do. But rather, I’ve been slowly shifting my intentions toward aligning my life to ensure I can make it happen.
For instance, it’ll help if I can find my “place”. That is, the place I’m going to live for at least a number of years. I’ve never re-signed a lease and have lived in 5 different cities in the last 5 years alone. It’s been the ultimate adventure. But it’s also been hard to really give anyone a chance knowing my next move could be around the corner.
Beyond settling down a bit, turning 36 is also motivating me to be more intentional with dating.
One way I’m doing this is by filtering out women who I know don’t align with my values or personality. I’m also being more discerning of red flags earlier in the dating cycle as past experiences have taught me these things normally don’t go away.
As always, I’m super optimistic that things will work out in my favor. Being willing to work for what I want helps.
In the meantime, I will simply enjoy this new chapter of life of turning 36.