Earlier this week, I broke things off with a woman I had been seeing for a few months after realizing she had fallen victim to the all-too-common performative busyness that causes people to constantly fill their schedules with shallow tasks, equating being busy with being important, all while neglecting the deeper, more meaningful aspects of life.
Despite her multiple claims of being overwhelmed during the short time I knew her, it became clear that her busyness was something she was willing to sacrifice deeper connections and even her financial well-being for. This realization left me pondering how the pursuit of busyness can actually become an obstacle to both personal fulfillment and financial independence.
So, I’d like to unpack that now with a thoughtful discussion on how our culture of busyness might be the very thing holding us back from living the lives we truly want.
Let’s dive into that with some quick reflections on my experience with the woman who was always “too busy.”
“I Like To Keep A Busy Schedule”..
In hindsight, I should have pulled the cord much sooner than I did at around 2.5 months. But the final straw came on our last date, when she revealed that she and her friends would sometimes get caught up in petty competitions over who could be the busiest.
At that point, I knew we had a classic case of performative busyness on our hands. But I should have seen the signs earlier, as there were plenty of clues along the way.
She wore her busyness like a badge of honor, often bragging about how packed her schedule was. Her days were filled with outings with friends, weekend trips, yoga sessions, and evening classes. Here’s her last message to me before I ended things, which sums it all up:
This woman claimed she was looking for a real relationship and valued her health—she even has the slogan “health is wealth” pinned to the top of her Instagram. Yet, her busyness prevented her from doing the things she claimed were important to her, like investing in a relationship, hitting the gym to exercise, and getting enough sleep (something she’d complained about repeatedly).
Busyness Is Expensive
It can be easy to give in to the temptation to keep up with the Joneses by filling our schedules with more things. But just as trying to out-earn or out-purchase others can lead to financial strain, striving for the “busy” award can cost more than it returns.
Constantly being on the go is expensive. There are the costs of fuel, entry fees for events, and the price of eating and drinking out because there’s no time to cook. Then, there’s the cost of buying equipment related to your activities or you want to do but lack the time. Further, there’s the cost of outsourcing tasks—like hiring cleaners or ordering takeout—because you’re too busy to handle them yourself.
In short, these small expenses add up quickly, leaving you with less money for things that truly matter or contribute to long-term goals.
Busyness Versus The Life You Desire
While the financial costs of busyness are substantial, they aren’t just limited to the things you buy. The opportunity cost is often the greatest: while you’re running from one thing to the next, you miss opportunities to invest time in more meaningful activities—whether it’s advancing your career, building a relationship, or saving for the future.
I could easily fill my time during this sabbatical with trivial activities like partying, endless dates with women, and weekend trips. But then when would I have the time and energy to focus on my main goals—writing for the blog, improving my fitness, or learning Spanish?
The answer is I wouldn’t. And as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “The things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” So, if we’re truly going to live life to the fullest, it’s better to focus on going deeper with the things that matter, while limiting the distractions that tell us that more is better.
Exhaustion & Burnout
A few days ago, I was sharing with a friend that one of the best “tells” we can use when deciding whether to take a job is the level of stress exhibited by the people you meet during the interview process. No one will tell you that you’re walking into a workplace fire, but if you pay attention, you can usually see the signs.
Those signs often include huge bags under everyone’s eyes, a sense of hurriedness and impatience, and a subtle twinge of discontentment. These signs point to something deeper—burnout. When people are too busy or overcommitted, it affects their health, relationships, and overall well-being. The same applies to our everyday lives, not just our jobs.
The toll of busyness can be seen in our lack of energy, poor sleep, and sense of peace. We may be able to keep it up for a while, but eventually it will catch up with us. What starts as a race to keep up with an illusion of productivity and importance becomes the very thing that compromises our health, emotional well-being, and capacity for meaningful engagement.
Busyness Without Purpose
As I reflect once more on the woman I was seeing, I can’t help but wonder who she was. I mean, I know her name, where she’s from, and what she does for a living. But I don’t know what drives her in life or gives her meaning because looking back, she didn’t really do anything in spite of doing a lot of things.
That’s because she lacked purpose. Instead of focusing her energy, she seemed like the proverbial “chicken with its head cut off”—running from one thing to another, with no clear direction or understanding of where she was trying to go.
And I’m not suggesting that being busy is absolutely a bad thing. I’m just saying that it could be a problem if you’re trying to live intentionally and with purpose.