There are a lot of misconceptions out there about money. One is that making a lot of money could prevent you from being overlooked.
Last year alone I earned over $200,000. I’ve also generated well over half a million dollars in income over the last 5 years for an average of $103,000 per year.
Before making this much, I thought money would solve my problems with being overlooked. But in spite of earning so much, I’m still overlooked at work, by women, and even social organizations claiming to be about bringing together community.
I’m sharing this post because I know first hand that constantly being overlooked is painful and frustrating. For my part, I’d like to share a unique perspective on being overlooked that I hope helps others navigate being overlooked.
I hope it helps you make better financial decisions too. Let’s go!
Race & Relationships: Sad Reasons For Being Overlooked
Throughout my life I’ve experienced being overlooked because of my race. My guess is most blacks and other peoples of color have experienced the same.
Interestingly, some white people struggle to relate to or even believe these experiences are real. They’ve had such a different reality that it’s hard to blame them, but it can still be frustrating when they attempt to downplay or dismiss the real life experiences of others.
I’ll dive deeper into my own experiences soon enough. But first let me set the scene with a quick story.
Too Black To Be Robbed
From time to time I’ll get the stand up comedy itch, which means I always have a handful of jokes ready. One such joke is about being too black to be robbed in Latin America – a place where foreigners are often targets.
I happened to tell this joke to one of my Latina friends who then told me a real story about her Afro-Latino boyfriend who, along with several white Latino friends, were robbed at gunpoint while walking down the street in a South American city. Are you ready for the kicker? The 3 white Latinos were robbed while the Afro-Latino guy went untouched.
We can theorize why this happened. But one thing we can’t argue is that for one reason or another, the Afro-Latino man was overlooked with the only distinguishing difference between him and his comrades being race.
Not being robbed is good, but I bet this ordeal made the Afro-Latino guy feel pretty crappy to know that the robbers didn’t even perceive him as a valuable enough target.
Not Having The Right Relationships Will Make You Overlooked
A wise person said that “it’s all about who you know”. I concur.
People will always give more consideration for those they have a connection to. Whether it be by way of family, friends of friends, or a frat brothers – connections always carry weight.
Just take what has recently happened to Bronny James, son of NBA legend Lebron James. Many argue that Bronny James benefited from nepotism since his powerful father was able to flex his influence to get him onto the Los Angeles Lakers in spite of not being very tall or skilled. I’m sure there are dozens of college players who feel overlooked by all of this.
Similarly, I know that at times I’m overlooked because the people doing the overlooking simply don’t know who I am. There have been times where I’ve seen people’s treatment toward me do a 180 once they’ve gotten to know me a bit.
Some Recent Experiences Of Being Overlooked
Our experiences of being overlooked are rarely identical. Yet, most of us share similar settings where we are likely to encounter these similar experiences. For instance, work is a place where many of us are likely to experience being overlooked.
Next I’ll share a few of my own recent experiences of being overlooked and discuss how making a lot of money factors into each situation.
Overlooked At Work
I recently learned that I’m paid quite a bit less than other colleagues who do the same work. I also don’t seem to be given as many projects by my boss which is problematic because without projects, there is no work. I even had a pending project taken from me and given to another colleague recently.
Making a lot of money is irrelevant when it comes to being overlooked at work. I made over $200,000 last year and I’m wise enough to want to keep that private. I can only imagine how difficult things would become at work if my boss found out I made significantly more than him in 2023. The last thing you want is for the person cutting your checks to become jealous.
If you have a side business or other means of income that enables you to earn more than your colleagues – keep it a secret. Do the same if you’re debt free, wealthy, subject to a substantial windfall, or planning to retire early.
Avoiding the temptation to flex your stature will keep the target off your back. Even if it means you’ll have to endure being overlooked, be satisfied knowing that you can live on to continue to earn an income with minimal issues.
Overlooked By Women On Dating Apps
I’ve used dating apps on and off over the years and always seem to have an invisible ceiling that shuts me off from women I find most desirable. I must then pay for upgraded access and advanced features for any shot of breaking through.
But, if enough guys start paying for upgraded access, then doesn’t that just become the new baseline just to enter the arena?
There are also racial components to dating apps that work against men of some races more than others. For instance, a 2014 study by OKCupid found that black men and women received the fewest message replies of all races. Another study by Cornell University revealed that black men were the least likely of all racial groups in dating applications to have their advances reciprocated.
I’ve experienced these trends in real time and have been tempted to try using my money to overcome them. Specifically, I’ve considered doing what many guys do which is to flaunt my financial status by buying expensive clothes and jewelry or taking photos from exotic trips.
My humility never allows me to actually do it, but I do believe that it could help move the needle forward. The flip side of this coin is that I’d then be attracting women for all the wrong reasons.
If you’re inclined to act broke to stay rich like I am – you must accept being overlooked in dating apps. Thankfully, you always have the option of meeting women in person like I prefer do.
Overlooked By A Social Organization
I recently submitted an application to a social organization claiming to be a “diverse group of people eager to help” newcomers to the city.
With just my name, email address, and city of birth on record – the organization denied my application citing being a “closed community for approved members” as the reason.
It’s not hard to guess that a Moses Parker born in Memphis Tennessee is a black guy. So, I’m inclined to think that the denial was primarily driven by race. If not, what else could it be given that I was screened based on so few data points?
Again, we’d like to think that earning a lot of money would make us immune to being overlooked. But with only my name and place of birth, how would this organization know that I’m statistically likely to be one of the highest earning, most educated, and well traveled members in their ranks?
Six Ways To Deal With Being Overlooked
Being overlooked can happen to all of us. Regardless of our economic status, familial background, race, or social status – other people will always close doors, ignore us, and not treat us with the respect we think we deserve because they don’t know who we are.
Still, being overlooked is frustrating for anyone who experiences it. Here are a few ways I deal with being overlooked that you may want to try in your own life.
1) Accept That Things Are The Way They Are
One of the best things you can do for your wellbeing and ultimate success in life is accept things for the way they are rather than brooding over how they should be.
This applies to being overlooked too. There simply isn’t much you can do to guarantee you will never be overlooked in life. Focusing on the negatives of it will only make you frustrated, bitter, and stifled.
A better approach is to accept that you are being overlooked while keeping your focus on the task at hand which is to live your best life possible.
2) Go Where You Are Recognized & Accepted
Why spend time trying to convince people to like and accept you when there are already people who do? I think a great approach to being overlooked is to simply go to places where you are recognized, valued, and accepted.
For example, rather than incessantly trying to infiltrate the social organization mentioned above – I am much better served joining an organization that welcomes me with open arms from the outset.
3) Become Good Enough
In 1978, Michael Jordan was cut from his varsity basketball team because of his height. As a result, he notoriously took that rejection and used it as fuel to improve his abilities which helped him become one of the nation’s best players by the time he completed his senior year.
This story is well cited as a motivational tale of becoming good enough to be worthy of the things we desire. I think we can all use it as a great example of how we can still persevere in spite of being overlooked.
With enough dedication, focus, and hard work – I believe most of us can become good enough for nearly anything.
4) Focus On Your Thing
What’s your thing? Seriously, what is it?
Said differently, what thing do you have in life that grabs your attention, gives you purpose, or ignites your fire? For me it is this blog and my love for fitness.
When you have a thing, you have something the world can never take from you which is self-worth. I may be overlooked at work, by women, and by social organizations – but none of these instances can steal the pride I have in being a creator and consistently producing my work.
If you don’t have a thing, I suggest you cultivate one. It will not only make your life more interesting, but will also help mitigate the negative mental impacts of being overlooked.
5) Fight To Help People Who Are Overlooked
If being overlooked bothers you that much, then why not fight for change? Perhaps you can finds ways to give other people avenues to be discovered and heard.
This could not only become your thing as mentioned above, it could also be a way to garner yourself more recognition while helping others at the same time.
I personally don’t have time to try to change people’s mind, but perhaps you do. If so, kudos to you.
6) Win Anyway
My ultimate mindset to being overlooked is that I will win anyway.
I may be overlooked and paid less at work, but I can almost guarantee that my finances are in better shape than almost everyone I work with. This means I probably net more money than my colleagues each year in spite of earning less.
I also breakthrough the issue of being overlooked on dating apps by confidently approaching women I’m interested in in real life. It’s hard for them to resist my charm once they meet me.
Whatever you’re facing, don’t let it defeat you. Don’t become bitter either. Instead, keep your head up, accept that you are being overlooked, and figure out a way to win in spite of it.
At a bare minimum, you should focus on winning with your money which you have complete control over. You may not be able to change other people, but you can certainly change yourself.
What Are Your Thoughts About Being Overlooked?
If you have any thoughts or experiences with being overlooked that you’d like to share, I’d like to hear from you.
Drop me a line below and let me know how you navigate being overlooked and if you have any other perspectives to add to the discussion.
See ya in the comments!
2 Responses
As a Latina, I totally resonate with this post. I’ve experienced being overlooked in various aspects of life, and your stories and insights hit home, especially the parts about racial bias and the importance of relationships. Thank you for sharing your experiences and practical advice. This is such an important topic, and your perspective is both validating and empowering. Keep up the great work!
Hi Vanessa! I’m glad this post resonated with you. It is definitely an important one considering how many people likely feel overlooked from time to time. We tend to think money can solve our problems, but it is more important to focus on what is on the inside. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences and I’m sure they frustrate you. But just know you aren’t alone!